View Full Version : HallPass Comedian
** Update**
Post anything that is funny.
I am hosting a Hallpass comedian contest.The contest will be over Wednesday 27 and I want it closed that day.Only 1 joke in one post.If you post more than once your out.Only judges can post more than once.No pictures or videos.If you do your out.If someone posts a joke that you already did the person who copied you is out.Post a good joke and you can be a judge.Let the jokes began.Also i'm a judge.Judges can't compete.
Mets is a judge.Judge 1
mungo is a judge.Judge 2
Mattimos is a judge.Judge 3
mungo
08-16-2008, 03:08 PM
I am hosting a Hallpass comedian contest.I need two judges to help me vote.They need to have good rep and a sense of humor.The contest will be over Wednesday 27 and I want it closed that day.Only 1 joke in one post.If you post more than once your out.Only judges can post more than once.No pictures or videos.If you do your out.If someone posts a joke that you already did the person who copied you is out.Post a good joke and you can be a judge.I will be leaving next week for vacation and I want this in control.Let the jokes began.Also i'm a judge.Judges can't compete.
I'm a judge.
This is going to fail...
Matias321
08-16-2008, 03:18 PM
I'm a judge.
Yea.....
mungo
08-16-2008, 03:23 PM
I'm a judge.
Yea.....
No you aren't.
Matias321
08-16-2008, 03:24 PM
No you aren't.
Why not ?
mungo
08-16-2008, 03:25 PM
Why not ?
Because you haven't posted a joke.
Mattimos
08-16-2008, 03:34 PM
An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: "There are only nine words here. You could send another Woof for the same price." "But," the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all."
pieman
08-16-2008, 03:46 PM
I gotta joke.
Mattimos.
When someone wins there user title can be HP Official Comedian.
When someone loses the whole competition there user title can be HP Worst Comedian.
kirbinator
08-16-2008, 04:26 PM
Three people set out on a hunting trip: a blond, an indian, and a brunette. The indian sets out first and comes back with a deer, the blond goes "Woah how did you get that!" and the indian says, "I see tracks, I follow tracks, I kill deer." The brunette does the same. Then the blond goes and comes back bleeding and beat half to death, and they ask her what happened, and she says, "I see tracks, I follow tracks, I get hit by train."
mungo
08-16-2008, 04:32 PM
Three people set out on a hunting trip: a blond, an indian, and a brunet. The indian sets out first and comes back with a deer, the blond goes "Wo how did you get that!" and the indian says, "I see tracks, I follow tracks, I kill deer. The brunet does the same. Then the blond goes and comes back bleeding and beat half to death, and they ask her what happened, and she says, "I see tracks, I follow tracks, I get hit by train."
Lots of spelling errors.
3/10
tbscifie
08-16-2008, 05:18 PM
Here's my joke:
President Hilary Clinton.
mungo
08-16-2008, 05:22 PM
Here's my joke:
President Hilary Clinton.
-60/10
You have been disqualified from the competition because your score was too low.
Matias321
08-16-2008, 05:32 PM
Q:What did the penis say to the condom?
A: Cover me, I'm going in.
mungo
08-16-2008, 05:34 PM
Q:What did the penis say to the condom?
A: Cover me, I'm going in.
7.5/10
Win.
NatLee
08-16-2008, 08:15 PM
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy. The fairy says that they can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish. The brunette immediately jumps off the bridge and yells "Eagle!" She turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away. The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out "Salmon!" She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn. The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge without thinking of her wish. She panics. "Crap!"
kirbinator
08-16-2008, 08:20 PM
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy. The fairy says that they can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish. The brunette immediately jumps off the bridge and yells "Eagle!" She turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away. The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out "Salmon!" She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn. The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge without thinking of her wish. She panics. "Crap!"
I've heard different versions of it before.
withouthands
08-16-2008, 08:24 PM
Jokes fail.
Good comedy comes from an amusing play on words, a real life reference, or subtle innuendo.
Writing jokes out in a form that you would find in one of those ****ty joke books where only 1/500 of the jokes actually make you grin slightly makes me dislike you.
LordPwn
08-16-2008, 09:46 PM
"I heard this lady say, 'I like kids.' That's nice, kinda weird though. It's kind of like saying 'I like people, for a little while."
"I like to go to the beach before everyone else, and get like 30 bottles with notes in them, and throw them in the ocean. Then when someone picks up a bottle, I come up behind them, and the note says 'I'm standing right behind you.'"
-Demitri Martin
Jokes fail.
Good comedy comes from an amusing play on words, a real life reference, or subtle innuendo.
Writing jokes out in a form that you would find in one of those ****ty joke books where only 1/500 of the jokes actually make you grin slightly makes me dislike you.Okay.New rule anything that makes people laugh post it except for pictures and videos.
mungo
08-16-2008, 10:31 PM
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy. The fairy says that they can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish. The brunette immediately jumps off the bridge and yells "Eagle!" She turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away. The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out "Salmon!" She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn. The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge without thinking of her wish. She panics. "Crap!"
4/10
"I heard this lady say, 'I like kids.' That's nice, kinda weird though. It's kind of like saying 'I like people, for a little while."
"I like to go to the beach before everyone else, and get like 30 bottles with notes in them, and throw them in the ocean. Then when someone picks up a bottle, I come up behind them, and the note says 'I'm standing right behind you.'"
-Demitri Martin
You're only allowed to post one joke, douchebag.
pieman
08-16-2008, 10:38 PM
Lots of spelling errors.
3/10
Oy you. You didn't rate my joke.
mungo
08-16-2008, 10:47 PM
I gotta joke.
Mattimos.
Fluffy/Withouthands
Mattimos
08-16-2008, 11:12 PM
Fluffy/Whithouthands
Hello Andy Samberg in that one stunt scene in Hot Rod.
kirbinator
08-16-2008, 11:15 PM
Fluffy/Withouthands
Lots of spelling errors.
3/10
Whitewhite
Mattimos
08-16-2008, 11:18 PM
Whitewhite
Hey who said you're a judge, Mr. Revenge.
mungo
08-16-2008, 11:22 PM
Whitewhite
Hello Mr. Copycat.
kirbinator
08-16-2008, 11:23 PM
Hey who said you're a judge, Mr. Revenge.
Hello Mr. Copycat.
What, I can't make a joke?
Mattimos
08-16-2008, 11:24 PM
Hello Mr. Copycat.
That's not his name.
They call him Hell, they call him Stacy...
mungo
08-16-2008, 11:25 PM
That's not his name.
They call him Hell, they call him Stacy...
Since when do I call people by they're proper names?
kapono24
08-18-2008, 01:25 AM
When someone loses the whole competition there user title can be HP Worst Comedian.
Now, who would actually agree to that.
LordPwn
08-18-2008, 03:10 AM
Hello Andy Samberg in that one stunt scene in Hot Rod.
Mm baby.
Whiskey all night long.
withouthands
08-18-2008, 04:14 AM
Fluffy/Withouthands
Woah. It must have been a really bad joke.
THAT WUZ FUNY WUZNT IT GUIZ?
This thread closes Wed.Hurry up.
Mattimos
08-24-2008, 10:57 PM
This thread closes Wed.Hurry up.
Do judges win anything?
watermelonelite96
08-24-2008, 11:04 PM
Do judges win anything?
Sorry buddy.
Do judges win anything?Like what do you want to win.
mungo
08-25-2008, 04:00 PM
Ice cream.
EDIT: Thanks Mets, it's beautiful.
Thats my icecream that you ate.
Mattimos
08-25-2008, 05:22 PM
Like what do you want to win.
Bragging rights... and more than I already have by saying "I was a judge".
mungo
08-25-2008, 05:26 PM
Bragging rights... and more than I already have by saying "I was a judge".
I got Ice Cream! :)
Bragging rights... and more than I already have by saying "I was a judge".What do you want for being a judge?
Mattimos
08-25-2008, 05:29 PM
What do you want for being a judge?
I wanna play 18 holes with Tiger Woods on the moon.
I wanna play 18 holes with Tiger Woods on the moon.He is in a meeting right now and the moon is being taken over.
mungo
08-25-2008, 05:38 PM
He is in a meeting right now and the moon is being taken over.
Sorry Mattimos. :(
Sorry Mattimos. :(How about chocolate
Mattimos
08-25-2008, 05:51 PM
How about chocolate
No, I want a remote control plane that can fly to the moon.
And it has to have lazer beams and a television set that works with it through a satellite so I can see what I'm attacking when I retake over the moon.
No, I want a remote control plane that can fly to the moon.
And it has to have lazer beams and a television set that works with it through a satellite so I can see what I'm attacking when I retake over the moon.I have to leave.I'll just give you a 3 story high choclate cake or smething.
Mattimos
08-25-2008, 05:57 PM
WHY CAN'T PEOPLE EVER MEET MY DEMANDS?! r
mungo
08-25-2008, 05:57 PM
No, I want a remote control plane that can fly to the moon.
And it has to have lazer beams and a television set that works with it through a satellite so I can see what I'm attacking when I retake over the moon.
You wouldn't retake over the moon. You don't have the balls.
WHY CAN'T PEOPLE EVER MEET MY DEMANDS?! rBecouse it is hard to do them.
*News*
It's just in.
The moon is gone.
The rest of the planets are gone.
Chocolate cake has been burned across the nation.
It's up to Mattimoss to destroy the penguins
That are taking over.
If only he had a laser.
*TV gets blown up*
mungo
08-25-2008, 07:27 PM
Becouse it is hard to do them.
*News*
It's just in.
The moon is gone.
The rest of the planets are gone.
Chocolate cake has been burned across the nation.
It's up to Mattimoss to destroy the penguins
That are taking over.
If only he had a laser.
*TV gets blown up*
What teh ****?
Last Day To post something funny in this thread before it gets closed.Can a Mod close this thread Tommorow?
shadow94
08-26-2008, 06:55 PM
A blond is on a four engine plane going to New York to see her boy friend. Half way through the flight, she hears an explosion. The captian pilot comes over the loud speeker and says that one of the engines exploded and that the plane will be ok, but there will be a thirty minute delay. the blond Yells oh no, i wont be able to see my boyfriend on time. Five minutes later, there was two huge explosions. The captian says that the plane will be ok, but there will be another Three hour delay. The blond looks over to the guy next to her and says this: "If that last engine explodes, were going to be up here forever!!
A blond is on a four engine plane going to New York to see her boy friend. Half way through the flight, she hears an explosion. The captian pilot comes over the loud speeker and says that one of the engines exploded and that the plane will be ok, but there will be a thirty minute delay. the blond Yells oh no, i wont be able to see my boyfriend on time. Five minutes later, there was two huge explosions. The captian says that the plane will be ok, but there will be another Three hour delay. The blond looks over to the guy next to her and says this: "If that last engine explodes, were going to be up here forever!!It's sopposed to be funny.
shadow94
08-26-2008, 07:27 PM
oh im sorry there mr critic. You probibly dont even understand it
oh im sorry there mr critic. You probibly dont even understand itI get it .
Mattimos
08-27-2008, 08:39 PM
Me being a judge, and the contest being over, I hereby pronounce myself the winner.
ParaWhore
08-27-2008, 08:42 PM
Me being a judge, and the contest being over, I hereby pronounce myself the winner.
Soooo what do you even win were on the computer ?
Mattimos
08-27-2008, 11:44 PM
Soooo what do you even win were on the computer ?
I won eighteen holes on the moon with Tiger Woods.
HEY I CAME INTO THIS THREAD WHERE THE OP GOT BANNED, RIGHT? I KEPT THINKING TO MYSELF, NOW WHY WASN'T HE BANNED IN THE FIRST PLACE FOR NAMING HIMSELF AFTER A BUNCH OF LOSERS, EH?
/slowpoke
/dying Yankee pride, and
/thread
Zeke_Powerful
08-31-2008, 01:16 AM
'I hereby claim the title of " Hallpass official un-official satirical satire Staff Sergeant Max Fightmaster." Beat that, punks.
'I hereby claim the title of " Hallpass official un-official satirical satire Staff Sergeant Max Fightmaster." Beat that, punks.
I already killed the damn thread off, too late for joo.
Zeke_Powerful
09-01-2008, 08:50 PM
I know. I felt like stating something on a dead thread. Heh, I made a rhyme. :D
Mattimos
09-01-2008, 10:06 PM
'I hereby claim the title of " Hallpass official un-official satirical satire Staff Sergeant Max Fightmaster." Beat that, punks.
You can't do that, you're not a judge and you haven't even told a single joke!
SupaFruit
09-01-2008, 10:08 PM
Paramore has the worst lead singer in the world.
How many points do I get for that joke Matt?
vBulletin® v3.7.4, Copyright ©2000-2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.